So thankful

So as previously stated, I'm not much for Thanksgiving. It's really only good for the day off in my opinion. So the subject of this blog is kind of ironic I think. I want to tell you what I'm thankful for.

My mornings start exactly the same every day and the end exactly the same every day and I'm more than thankful for that. It's this morning that reminds me what wonderful things I have in my life.

I wake up every morning to the sounds of my son playing in his crib. I have woken up to those same sounds for almost eleven months now and I have been grateful for every one of those mornings. I'm grateful for how patient he is while I make his breakfast and feed our dog, Lieu. I am grateful for that smile that greets me when I open his bedroom door and the way he reaches for me to pick him up out of bed. I'm grateful for the way he babbles at me while I change him and how he snuggles with me when he drinks his milk. For the way he smiles at me while I feed him and the way we dance when he is done. For the giggles I hear when I put him in the living room to play and the way he claps his hands when I turn Nick Jr. on. That's the start to my day every morning, rain or shine.

I end my days the same every day too. Curled up on the couch watching TV with a man that loves me and that I love more than anything. We watch a show or movie and hold hands or cuddle. We talk about our days and what we want to do tomorrow. I'm thankful for that time I get with him at the end of our busy days. I'm thankful for the way he smiles at me after four years together. I'm thankful that he appreciates the meals I cook for him, the house I clean, the child we have that I spend my days raising. I'm thankful for the work he does, the crap he has to put up with and that he does it so our family can be better. I'm thankful for the way he always hogs my blanket on the couch and I have to pull it out from under him because that means we will with curl up under it together after I get it. I'm thankful for the way we brush our teeth together and how he kisses me goodnight every night. I'm thankful that the last thing I hear every day is "I love you."

I'm thankful for the way my days start and for the way they end and for all the things in the middle. I'm thankful for my dog, Lieu, who has been my best friend for five and a half years now. Since the day she was born, my little white tipped tail puppy, she had been my love. I can't imagine my life without her. I'm thankful for text messages from my sister that tell me my beautiful niece has done something new and wonderful. I'm thankful for my mom who is willing to send me her gas card so we can spend Thanksgiving together. I'm thankful for my dad who calls randomly just to ask how his grandson is doing and for my step-mom who took the time to call and find out what size he is wearing for clothes for Christmas. I'm thankful for a brother-in-law who took the time to get to know me when other members of his family had decided to hate me. I'm thankful for both of my nieces and the amazing little girls they are. I'm thankful the army for giving my husband a job and for Lowe's. Without Lowe's I wouldn't have half of the amazing things in my life and I wouldn't know the love and joy I have every day.

So many more things to be thankful but those are some of the most important. I'm thankful for the blessing that is my family, for the little boy who randomly looks at me with a toothy grin, for the husband who walks by and kisses me, for my dog who just wants to love me. My blessings, big and small. I wouldn't trade a single one and I hope as I get older I am always as thankful as I am right now.

Changing seasons

I love this time of year. I love the change in the air and the way the leaves fall. I love curling up under a blanket with my husband and watching my son crawl around in his footie pajamas. I love drinking hot chocolate and sipping warm soup. I love wearing big warm sweaters and wrapping myself up in my husband's arms to stay warm. With all these things in mind I add this, I hate being cold. I love all the things that come with it though.

I love racking leaves into a big pile and jumping in. I'm looking forward to the day when Angel is old enough to enjoy doing it with me. I love pulling on my fleece jacket I stole from my husband and going on evening walks with my family in the cool air. I love turning the heat and on getting my all too squirmy little boy to snuggle into my lap.

I love the approaching holiday too. So many things to look forward to and enjoy. I myself have never been very big on Thanksgiving. For me, I associate it with eating turkey and falling asleep watching football. I don't really like turkey and I hate football. So honestly, it's a day I could skip over. I do enjoy the other cooked goodies and the fact that my husband gets the day off so I will take it. This year we will be travelling to North Carolina for the holiday. Maybe I don't really like Thanksgiving but that doesn't mean I don't want Angel exposed to it and the family that loves him.

Then comes the fun of Christmas. Our first family Christmas with our son. I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait to decorate and play Christmas carols and read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to Angel. I want to make cookies for him and do fun artwork. I want to take him to see Santa Claus and do milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. I know that for the most part he won't care about any of this. He won't quite be a year old yet. For me though, it's going to be the best Christmas ever.

I love spring and summer and swimming and be in the sun and going to the park and being warm. I love fall and winter though and the adventures that come with them.

So curl up with the ones you love. Your spouse, your children, your fur children, whoever you would like. Curl up with the ones you love and be thankful for the change in seasons that gives you a reason to curl.

Bits and pieces

So it was recently pointed out to me by my fabulous cousin, Lindsey, that I'm a lot more creative then I realized.

I know there are a millions little bits and pieces that make up me but I suppose sometimes I forget about some of them. I'm a writer by heart. I have been since I was thirteen years old. I can remember the exact moment I decided that was who I wanted to be. I'm also a photographer (though not nearly as good as my baby sister who does it professionally). I can still picture the first photograph I ever took that made me think that was something I really enjoyed. After ten years working with children I am a master at creative kid art. I have the pine cone ornament I hang on my Christmas tree every year that I made in high school with my first class. Crayons, paint, glitter, string, glue, macaroni. You name it and I can create something with it. Or at the very least help a really cute kid create a really cool picture.

There is something that I forget about on a regular basis though. Something I've been doing since I was five years old. My grandmother, my dad's mother, taught me how to crochet. When she passed away years ago she left me rolls and rolls of unused yarn so that I could continue to do what she had taught me. So here I am at almost thirty-three and I have continued to create with the skill she passed on to me. My son came home from the hospital wrapped in a blanket I made him. My niece spends her weekends playing with the purple blanket I made her before she was born. I'm in the process of making my previously mentioned cousin, Lindsey, a blanket for the little girl she is expecting. (Speaking of Lindsey, you should follow her blog. She's kind of awesome. http://morethanamommydiary.blogspot.com/) I love crocheting. I love creating something that someone can wrap themselves in. I love creating something that you can wrap someone you love in. I'm good at it too and I like getting compliments on my talent and I like that people appreciate the things I make.

So when my awesome cousin suggested I should sell the things I create I thought why not. I love doing it and you know what they say. Do what you love. So between being a wife, a mom, a writer, a photographer, and everything else I'm not making blankets. Find me on Facebook if you're interested. Wrapped In Love http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wrapped-In-Love/305100199517230.

Anyone the point in this post is to say thank you to Lindsey and to point out that there are a million bits and pieces to who we are. Don't forget about the ones you might not use every day because sometimes those are the pieces that make you the most interesting person in the world.

Happy Halloween and Blessed Be

Growing up I was like most kids. I loved Halloween for the candy and the costumes. It was always so much fun trying to figure out who I wanted to be and how much sugar I could get my hands on. As I got older it lost some of it's appeal but I still enjoyed it. I was never the teenager that went to costume parties so I lost myself in my younger sister's enjoyment of the holiday.

When I found my religion I found a new love for today. Samhain, the Wiccan new year. Its a day of new beginnings for me. I still loved the costumes and candy but I also found I loved new aspects of myself in that day because of my religion.

Today though was a new beginning of a different kind. Today I got to take my beautiful blessing and the world's cutest dinosaur, my son Angel, trick or treating with my husband. Today I celebrated the day with my family. I got that joy back I had as a kid. And even though Angel had no earthly idea what was going on and can't eat any of the candy he got I know today was important for my family.

Five years ago I never imagined I would have this experience in my memories. To walk about around army post housing with my husband carrying our almost ten-month-old is a dream come true for me. Watching my little boy stare at all the strange beings walking around was so funny. Seeing my husband take so much pride in how cute our son looked was so touching. Knowing they are my family is my miracle.

Though recently I have lost touch with my religion, today reminded me why I have faith in my beliefs. I am going to make an effort to find my way back to my beliefs and to show gratitude for those that control our fates. They gave me this beautiful blessing that was tonight after all.

Happy Halloween. Happy Samhain. Blessed Be!

One step at a time

So here we are four years after the accident that changed my life. The doctor says there is no medical reason for the pain I have been experiencing and since the pain has past I'm going to chalk it up to a passing injury. Maybe I pulled something or hurt it in a way I didn't realize. Regardless, I'm feeling better now and that's the most important thing.

I did learn a few things. One is that the smaller bone on the outside of my leg never healed. Funny, the surgeon told me it would heal without them having to do anything. I'm not worried though because it's not a weight-bearing bone. I also learned that my ankle has begun to show signs of ware. Kind of like when your tires start to lose their tread. I guess my ankle is losing some of it's tread. I knew something like that was a possibility. You don't do the kind of damage I did and not have long term consequences.

The good news is I am starting physical therapy next week. I need my mobility and my strength back because with every passing day Angel gets closer and closer to walking. In no time I'm going to be chasing my little boy around like crazy and I won't miss out on that because of a stupid injury.

I'm excited about this. I'm excited about being able to walk without pain, to run around the park, to be normal again. Or maybe not completely normal but very close. I'm excited to be a mom who has fun with her little boy.

Things are looking up for me. I may have my bad days just like anyone else but things are definitely looking up. I just have to take it one step at a time.

Don't blink

Wow, I can't believe it has been a month since my last blog. My apologizes to anyone following and may have missed my ramblings.

So much has happened in the last month I'm not sure where to begin.

My wonderful husband and I celebrated two years of marriage on October 1st. My mom came down for the weekend with my adorable niece and stayed with our son so we could have a weekend together. We booked a room at the Riverstreet Inn in Savannah, GA and had a romantic getaway. Just the two of us in a historic city, staying in a beautiful room, spending some much needed time together. It was wonderful. I still can't believe it has been two years already. Seems like just yesterday we were standing in the depressing room in front of a complete stranger committing to words neither one of us remember even hearing. We took the plunge in the simplest form because he was leaving in two weeks for basic training. Some day there may be a grand affair to celebrate the life we have built together, but on that day two years ago all we needed was each other. That's still true today. My husband always says it is me and him against the world. Well now it is me, him and Angel against the world but the feeling is still the same. It's been a crazy two years with a lot of ups and downs and some life changing changes. We've hung in there and made it through. I couldn't ask for a better man to spend my life with. Especially since I never thought I would spend it with anyone at all. My husband is my hero in every sense of the word. Two years down and this is only the beginning.

My beautiful little boy has acquired three words and he is only nine months old. Momma (of course), Dada (though that's not what we call my husband), and Papa (which is suppose to be Papi but we are working on that). We are working on Lieu (our dog and she is also Angel's best friend), more, and night-night. He is also starting to sign the world milk which makes me very happy.

Angel has also mastered crawling and is now crab walking and pulling up. He will even walk while holding on to my hands. While I am the proudest mom ever at all of these new accomplishments I am just a little sad at how fast it has all happened. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was sleeping on the couch with my little Snuggle Bear curled up on top of me? He just came home and already he is running for the door it feels like. Being a mom takes everything you have and takes it fast, but oh, the outcome is so worth it.

My husband found out his reenlistment option opens up in January. That means in that in less then six months we could be PCSing (moving for civilians) to another post. My husband desperately wants to go to Hawaii. His oldest brother was stationed there and is still there with his wife and daughter. Vinnie is the only one Nick is still close with in his family and it would mean a lot for them to be able to reconnect on a more basic face to face level. Not to mention I would love to meet my niece Kairi and have them meet Angel. At the same time the thought of leaving all of my family and going so far away is hard. I know this comes with being an army wife but that doesn't mean it is easy. We will see what happens in January.

Last week I had a CT scan done on my leg. The pain had actually stopped for about a week but oddly enough came back after the scan. I have a doctor's appointment on the 24th to discuss the results and see what is going on. Maybe I can actually get some help this time around.

Halloween is a week away and my little boy will spend his first Halloween as a dinosaur. I'm trying to teach him to say "roar" but I don't know if that going to happen in time. Then right around the corner is Thanksgiving which we will be going back to North Carolina for. Following very close behind is my husband's 24th birthday, my 33rd birthday, Angel's first Christmas, New Year's, and then my baby will be a year old on January 2nd.

Its flying by, time. I blinked two years of marriage went by. I glanced and my newborn is crawling across the room. I'm taking a deep breath and holding on tight to the ride I'm on. It's better then any amusement park in the world.

Keeping my head up

So remember how I brushed over that reference to pain in my leg yesterday. Well today I'm going to elaborate.

There are three titanium plates and thirteen screws in my right leg from that accident four years ago. Every day of my life I feel that hardware and I have become use to it. It's a part of me. Like my hair or my fingernails or the scar running down my leg where is was broken in the first place. It's an ugly scare too. I hate it. It is the first thing I see about myself when I see pictures of me in shorts and skirts. That hideous twelve inch scar running down the front of my right leg and the two inches that it runs to the left at the bottom. That scar is part of me though and has been for four years. Just like those plates and screws.

Now I feel pain every day. I've mentioned that before, but the pain I deal with on a daily basis is always in my ankle and I have learned to deal with it and push through it. Some things will never change or go away and you learn to make the best of it.

However in the last two weeks a new pain has appeared. A burning, sharp, often times unbearable pain and not in my ankle. This pain radiates at the top of the twelve inch scar where the surgeons cut my leg and put the plates and screws. There are moments where is it so bad that I burst in to tears and can not speak and the moments are becoming more and more frequent. My biggest fear is that this pain will strike me at a moment when my son is in my arms.

So I bit the bullet and called the doctor. For those of you that know me, you know I absolutely hate going to the doctor. In fact, the only time I ever enjoyed going was when I was pregnant because it meant learning my little boy was growing and healthy. I called though and got an appointment for this morning. Well two hours before said appointment I got a call cancelling. Why? Because the doctor it was with is no longer with them. (Anyone in the military or married to the military will learn this is far too normal a circumstance.) So I have another appointment on Monday morning.

My fear is this: more surgery. I've already had two dealing with this when it all happened followed by three months of bed rest and six months total of not walking on the leg at all. I can not go through that again. Not just because I don't want to but because I have a husband to take care of and a son to raise.

I'm hoping this is nothing and that it can be dealt with quickly and easily so keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm going to need all the luck I can get come Monday morning.