How do you know?

Every decision you make in life can be the best decision or the worst. You make them because of the decisions others have made or in spite of them. You pray they are the right ones. You prepare for the chance they could be the wrong ones. Sometimes they are a little bit of both.

How do you know? How do you know when you've made the right decision? How do you know it's the right one for everyone? For you, for your spouse, for your children, for your other loved ones, for your friends, for the stranger in the car you passed on the road? Those big decisions and those little ones impact so much of your life and the lives around you. How do you know when they are the right one? How do you take that chance they could be the wrong ones? How do you learn to live with outcome when they are the wrong ones? How do you make a decision and know it's right for everyone?

I've made decisions in my life based on the things I've learned growing up. Some good and some bad. I've made decisions in spite of the things I learned growing up. Also some good and some bad. And I've made decisions that have gone against everything I believed because it meant following my heart.

In my youth, the decisions were quick and careless and had consequences that I muddled through as only the young can. Some changed my life, some changed me. Some even lead me down paths that have made me happy but weren't always the best ones. Then I grew up and my decisions were not so much about being right and wrong and muddling through the wrong ones. My decisions became more about the people I loved and less about me.

So there in lies another how do you know? How do you know when the right decisions are the right ones for everyone? Right for me, right for you, right for us? And what do you do when there is no right decision?

Everyone struggles with these choices. Some of us handle it better then others. Some of us don't handle it at all, but instead keep quiet and let the world do it for us. Some of us push through, grit our teeth through the bad and embrace the good. Some of us never know if the choice we make is the right one.

How do you know? How can you be two people at once? How can you make everyone else happy and yourself at the same time? How do you know when to keep trying? How do you know when to walk away? How do you know if the decision is even yours? How do you know?

Bad blogger for good reasons

I realize I haven't blogged in well over a month and for those of you that are following I'm sorry for that. I have a very good reason though, a few in fact. The main one being this: I'm a Mommy!

I have spent the last couple of months putting most of my focus on my son in an effort to help him reach those one-year-old milestones. As has been the case with most of Angel's milestones, he tends to accomplish them during the later half of the scale. He sat up on his own later, crawled later, and now seems to want to walk later. He is almost fourteen months now and has only taken a random single step here and there. I know he will walk when he is ready, but that does not mean that Mommy can't give him help and encouragement to accomplish this goal. I've also been spending more time working on words with him. It has come to my attention that once Angel says a word he doesn't really feel the need to repeat it again... ever! In fact, the only word he does say on a regular basis is Momma. And when I say regular I mean regular. Momma, momma, momma, momma momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma. Over and over and over and over again. Some days it's amusing and some days I have the urge to find earplugs. He has said all the normal words required of his age but since saying them once or twice he refuses to say them again and finds in quite amusing when Mommy tries to get him to say them. Stubborn and I have no idea where he gets it from. :-)

Then there was that added surprise back in January. Have you ever had the feeling something was happening and yet you just know that can't be it? Word of advice, always accept the feeling is right.

For those of you that may not have heard, I'm pregnant! Yup, it's true. I'm 12 1/2 weeks and due early September. I have never in my life been more shocked or surprised by anything as I was when I found out I was expecting Sweet Pea.

With Angel, he was still a surprise but something of an expected one since we had been trying for a year and a half to conceive. So his timing was a surprise but the blessing that is Angel had been planned for a long time. Sweet Pea, on the other hand, was a total and complete shocker. Such a shock, in fact, I almost hyperventilated when I saw that second line show up meaning positive. Never for a moment, even that first shocking one, did I not want him/her, but Nick and I had recently even talked about waiting another year for a second child. To tell you the truth, the thought of two kids under the age of two was a little scary. Some fears you just have to embrace and conquer though.

So between an independent, crazy toddler and the early stages of pregnancy I've been juggling a lot, but no more the most moms.

I promise to blog more with updates on my pregnancy, Angel's accomplishments, the life of an Army wife and marriage in general, and just being me!

Blessings in the new year

I'm not a resolutions kind of person when it comes to the new year. My thought is resolutions are generally lies we tell ourselves so we can feel better about starting a new year. :-) I don't bother. A new year is just that, a new year. I've never considered it to be anything more than a change in the calendar.

I've changed though. Maybe it has more to do with my son's birthday then the change in the calendar but every new year is a new beginning now. It's another year I get to watch Angel grow and change and become the amazing boy I know he will be. With that thought I get to see my family grow and change as well.

I get to see myself grow and change as a mother. I get to watch my husband grow and change as a father. I even get to see my marriage grow and change as we juggle being a couple and parents.

My son is the most amazing gift in my life. Every moment of every day is my greatest blessing and I'm so thankful for every second I get to have him in my life. He brings me so much joy and love and he teaches me so much as well. Angel makes me a better person and that makes me love him even more.

My husband is the most amazing man in my life. Though we have our rough moments we push through and we love each other more and more. We support each other and we are grateful for each other. We struggle to find that balance between couples and parents and sometimes we get lost but we always find our way back to each other and the love we share.

It's a new year yet again and this one is better then the last. This year I am even more grateful for last year and for the year ahead of me. This year I know more love with my husband and my son. This year I know more joy. This year I know more hope.

This year I am grateful for all the my blessing that I start with and for all the ones ahead of me.

Happy birthday, Angel!

A year ago today, after fifteen hours of labor, I brought into this world a beautiful miracle. Angel Joaquin Corzo was born weighing 7 pounds and was 20 1/2 inches long. My son was for weeks premature and had a rough couple of first days but he was strong and beautiful and perfect. I have never in my life been more in love then that first moment I saw his crazy hair and big nose. My baby, my son, my Angel.

The last year has been an amazing journey watching him go from that tiny helpless baby to my independent, vocal, active, opinionated little boy. Good days and bad days. Long nights and fun days. Sickness and teething. Rolling over and learning to crawl. All those incredible moments when I marvel at the miracle that is him.

Today my Angel is a year old. No longer a baby, he is a toddler. He has taken his first step, spoken his first words, learn to express his emotions, and made me love him motte and more every day.

Happy birthday, Angel! Thank you for letting me watch you grow and learn in the last year. Thank you for being such an amazing blessing. Thank you for being my Peanut! I love you!

Turning 33

Age is just a number. I've always felt that and I've always believed that. We are as young or as old as we feel. When I was sixteen I felt thirty-five. After long days chasing Angel around I feel like a hundred and fifty. Today though, I am thirty-three.

Yes, I am a Christmas Eve baby. I came screaming into this world at 8:02 pm December 24, 1978 and I have been screaming ever since. I've grown up and grown older with the typical issues associated with a holiday birthday. The ever typical two gifts in one was always my biggest peeve as a child. My birthday has nothing to do with the holiday that comes right after it. If your birthday is July 3 I don't hand you a sparkler and say happy birthday, do I? When you're a kid though all you want is your day filled with presents and cake and friends and more presents. My family always made an effort to separate the days and I will always be grateful for that.

Then I got older. See I'm an oddball in the sense that I actually still enjoy my birthday. I don't care about the number attached to it. I like that I have had another year, that I have experienced new things, that I'm still here. So I want the presents and the cake and the friends and more presents. I still wanted my separate day too. Today is my day and I didn't want it lost in the holiday.

Last year I was pregnant and married and turning thirty-two. I was an army wife in a new place with a new life and starting a new journey. I couldn't even begin to fathom what being thirty-two was going to be like, the adventures it would bring, the joys, the sorrows, the surprises. My husband got me a pair of beautiful diamond earrings last year and I thought they were the nicest gift ever.

A week and a half later I gave birth to my son. Maybe it was a little late but without a doubt, he has been the best gift I could have ever received.

Today I turned thirty-three. My husband got up and got my son up and changed. While I fed Angel Nick made me breakfast. For lunch/dinner he got me Chinese as has been my tradition for many many many years. My boys got me a wonderful new camera because it was all I wanted this year and I love it. And to top it all off, they got me a birthday cake. Yes, a birthday cake despite being told I was too old for one years ago.

It was the best birthday I have ever had and yet as wonderful as it was I only wanted one thing. For it to be tomorrow so I could give my little boy his first Christmas.

It isn't about me anymore. I will have more birthdays. I will grow up and grow older. I will always be grateful for the day and for the joys that come with it, but for the rest of my life my day will always come second to the days I want for my son.

Maybe it's because I have gotten older. Maybe it's because I've been a mom for almost a year now. Maybe it's because of something I can't put my finger on. All I know is thirty-three is still just a number and for every year that number goes up I'll be grateful I got to spend it with my wonderful husband and my amazing son.

Happy birthday to me!

Going bald

I think I might be going bald. I would say I was going grey but since I was born with strands of grey hair that doesn't bother me. However, I do think I'm going bald because I'm quickly beginning to pull all my hair out.

Being the mother of a toddler is without a doubt exhausting. I spend more time trying to keep my son out of trouble then I do playing with him I think. He is everywhere and touching everything right now. Power outlets, surge protectors, the computer tower, the satellite box, the book shelf, every tiny piece of anything that isn't suppose to be on the floor, my shoes, my husband's boots, any unstable piece of furniture he can find, any anything else that you could think of that could hurt, maim, or kill Angel will find and/or do. He is your every day average toddler exploring the world around him and testing the limits his Mommy has set for him. I spend more time in my day saying "no, sir," "don't touch that," "come back here," I said no," "that's not safe," "that's dangerous," and my personal favorite "Angel Joaquin!" then any other phrase in a whole week.

If I walk into the laundry room he crawls in right behind me and goes for whatever he isn't suppose to have. If I go to the bathroom there he is playing with the scale. Into the bedroom and he goes right for my husband's PT shoes that are covered in mud. No matter where I go or what I do my little boy is on my heels and determined to wreck havoc right behind me.

In fact, it has taken me well over and hour to right this blog so far because I have had to save his life so many times. :-) Normally, I would have waited to write this but that was the experiment I was going for.

Laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, dusting, cleaning of any kind has to be done while he sleeps or else he tries to "help" me. Picking up toys, well he watches me pick them all up then goes and pulls them all back out. If I leave the baby gate down to the kitchen he crawls in and decides to play with Lieu's water bowl, my poor dog.

The best part of all those is the tantrum that comes when I do stop him/save him. Big sad crocodile tears and the loudest crying imaginable. I can tell him no in the sweetest voice ever but because he has begun to learn what he isn't suppose to do it's like I've screamed at him at the top of my lungs. It's really funny because ten seconds later he will laugh at me.

I'm exhausted and stressed out and going bald because I'm pulling all my hair out! It sounds horrible, doesn't it? Being a mom is without a doubt the hardest job I have ever had (including working for Lowe's). Being a mom though is the most amazing thing I have ever had the privilege of doing. I wouldn't trade a single moment of it. Angel is my miracle and though he drives me to my breaking point at times he is the reason I smile every day, the reason I laugh and sing silly songs and tickle till we cry. He makes me happy and grateful. I wouldn't trade my worst moment with him for my best moment before him.

So I'm going bald. They make wigs for women with that problem. Maybe I'll go blonde!

So thankful

So as previously stated, I'm not much for Thanksgiving. It's really only good for the day off in my opinion. So the subject of this blog is kind of ironic I think. I want to tell you what I'm thankful for.

My mornings start exactly the same every day and the end exactly the same every day and I'm more than thankful for that. It's this morning that reminds me what wonderful things I have in my life.

I wake up every morning to the sounds of my son playing in his crib. I have woken up to those same sounds for almost eleven months now and I have been grateful for every one of those mornings. I'm grateful for how patient he is while I make his breakfast and feed our dog, Lieu. I am grateful for that smile that greets me when I open his bedroom door and the way he reaches for me to pick him up out of bed. I'm grateful for the way he babbles at me while I change him and how he snuggles with me when he drinks his milk. For the way he smiles at me while I feed him and the way we dance when he is done. For the giggles I hear when I put him in the living room to play and the way he claps his hands when I turn Nick Jr. on. That's the start to my day every morning, rain or shine.

I end my days the same every day too. Curled up on the couch watching TV with a man that loves me and that I love more than anything. We watch a show or movie and hold hands or cuddle. We talk about our days and what we want to do tomorrow. I'm thankful for that time I get with him at the end of our busy days. I'm thankful for the way he smiles at me after four years together. I'm thankful that he appreciates the meals I cook for him, the house I clean, the child we have that I spend my days raising. I'm thankful for the work he does, the crap he has to put up with and that he does it so our family can be better. I'm thankful for the way he always hogs my blanket on the couch and I have to pull it out from under him because that means we will with curl up under it together after I get it. I'm thankful for the way we brush our teeth together and how he kisses me goodnight every night. I'm thankful that the last thing I hear every day is "I love you."

I'm thankful for the way my days start and for the way they end and for all the things in the middle. I'm thankful for my dog, Lieu, who has been my best friend for five and a half years now. Since the day she was born, my little white tipped tail puppy, she had been my love. I can't imagine my life without her. I'm thankful for text messages from my sister that tell me my beautiful niece has done something new and wonderful. I'm thankful for my mom who is willing to send me her gas card so we can spend Thanksgiving together. I'm thankful for my dad who calls randomly just to ask how his grandson is doing and for my step-mom who took the time to call and find out what size he is wearing for clothes for Christmas. I'm thankful for a brother-in-law who took the time to get to know me when other members of his family had decided to hate me. I'm thankful for both of my nieces and the amazing little girls they are. I'm thankful the army for giving my husband a job and for Lowe's. Without Lowe's I wouldn't have half of the amazing things in my life and I wouldn't know the love and joy I have every day.

So many more things to be thankful but those are some of the most important. I'm thankful for the blessing that is my family, for the little boy who randomly looks at me with a toothy grin, for the husband who walks by and kisses me, for my dog who just wants to love me. My blessings, big and small. I wouldn't trade a single one and I hope as I get older I am always as thankful as I am right now.