I am so tired of hearing I'm a bad mom. No one ever actually says the words but they sure do like to make me feel like I am. Why? I have no idea but maybe it's because I actually like spending time with my son. When I'm with him he makes me laugh all the time. Just watching him play is amusing sometimes. Seeing him express himself and explore and the way he grins and wrinkles his nose are so funny to me. I laugh at and with him every day. Not to mention the affection I get from him. I love the way he snuggles when I first get him out of bed and the way he will randomly walk up to me and hug me in the middle of playing. Who else in the world is going to give you such unbiased, unconditional love, right? Then there is watching him grow up. Every day I see him do something new, discover something he can do that he never could before and I am so proud of him. Nothing about my time with my son is ever mundane or taken for granted and every day with him is the most amazing blessing to me.
Especially when I think back on how long I waited for him and how close I came to losing him. He is such an amazing gift that I genuinely enjoy every day of my life and I know that he loves being with me as well. Being his mom is the reason I was put on this earth.
So Angel gets my undivided attention daily. That means if he cries I'm there to determine if he needs a hug or not, but I'm still there. So if he's "whining" it's because he knows I'll be there whether he is hurt or just wants attention. It also means that no one will watch him the way I do so I won't leave him with just anyone. It doesn't mean anything to me if you like your co-workers and they have 8 kids. Their kids aren't my kids and just because I won't trust my son with anyone doesn't mean I'm "one of those moms." It means I actually care about who my son is being left with. I'm also not going to just leave my son with someone so I can just sit at home alone and do nothing. He is not a burden for me to get rid of. He is my child.
Yes, I have days where he gets on my every last nerve, but I'm human and so is he. I'll still take those days over not having him at all.
Angel is not an "asshole" or "whiney" or a "Momma's boy." He is my son, my child that I brought into this world and who is the love of my life. I am not "one of those moms" that is paranoid about how the world is going to treat her baby. I am Angel's mom and I will spend the rest of my life putting him first in every decision I make just as I do with Bella.
So instead of assuming I'm a bad mom because my kid loves me and I love him maybe you should consider whether or not you're a good parent if you don't think you're as lucky as I am. Either way keep your opinions of my parenting to yourself.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
You have to love life's little surprises
The day I found out I was pregnant with my son I almost didn't believe it. We had been trying to get pregnant for a year and a half and after being disappointed over and over again a part of me had all but given up hope. A heart can only break so many times before there is nothing left to shatter and I didn't want my life to come down to this one thing. I set that dream aside ready to admit that maybe it wasn't meant to be realized. When you tell yourself that and then find out it's come true you almost aren't sure it's real. How many times I saw negative I lost count. Maybe this one was wrong that said positive. Wrong or not though, that hope came back and when the doctor confirmed it I knew one thing for sure. My baby was a miracle.
I didn't care if I was having a boy or a girl. I honestly just wanted a happy healthy baby. For nine months I did everything I could to put my baby first and the day I found out I was having a boy I was overjoyed. A son! What better gift could a mom ask for? I was already in love with this tiny little life I hadn't even met yet. I was even okay when my water broke four weeks early. I was worried more about me then him. Was I ready to be the mom he deserved? It never occurred to me that I should be worried about him, my perfect little miracle. Then he was here and I was scared and worried and faced the worst days of my life. In the end though, Angel Joaquin was perfect and nearly a year and a half later he still is.
My first year as a mom was amazing and it had its share of ups and downs like parenthood does. I wouldn't have traded it for the world though. My son is my miracle and I look at him like that every day, even the bad days. When his first birthday approached I decided I would wait at least another year before having another baby. I thought it the best decision as an adult, a parent, and for Angel. I was completely content to focus on my son.
Life is full of surprises though...
A week after Angel's first birthday I got notified of one of thoses surprises. All the signs were there, but then the signs had been there so many times before without there being a reason. Why should that second little line show up this time when it had been such a lucky miracle before? No one gets two miracles in one lifetime, right?
I got my first miracle in the form of a beautiful little boy named Angel Joaquin who has the most beautiful smile and the quickest temper and makes me laugh every day.
My second miracle is due is September in the form of a beautiful little girl named Bella Ann who is hyper and moves constantly and loves when her brother lays his head on Mommy's tummy.
A daughter. I'm going to have a daughter that I will adore as much as I adore my son. What did I ever do to be so blessed?
Though I'm not planning any more children after Bella I know life is full of surprises and I will be thrilled with any that come my way.
Friday, March 30, 2012
How do you know?
Every decision you make in life can be the best decision or the worst. You make them because of the decisions others have made or in spite of them. You pray they are the right ones. You prepare for the chance they could be the wrong ones. Sometimes they are a little bit of both.
How do you know? How do you know when you've made the right decision? How do you know it's the right one for everyone? For you, for your spouse, for your children, for your other loved ones, for your friends, for the stranger in the car you passed on the road? Those big decisions and those little ones impact so much of your life and the lives around you. How do you know when they are the right one? How do you take that chance they could be the wrong ones? How do you learn to live with outcome when they are the wrong ones? How do you make a decision and know it's right for everyone?
I've made decisions in my life based on the things I've learned growing up. Some good and some bad. I've made decisions in spite of the things I learned growing up. Also some good and some bad. And I've made decisions that have gone against everything I believed because it meant following my heart.
In my youth, the decisions were quick and careless and had consequences that I muddled through as only the young can. Some changed my life, some changed me. Some even lead me down paths that have made me happy but weren't always the best ones. Then I grew up and my decisions were not so much about being right and wrong and muddling through the wrong ones. My decisions became more about the people I loved and less about me.
So there in lies another how do you know? How do you know when the right decisions are the right ones for everyone? Right for me, right for you, right for us? And what do you do when there is no right decision?
Everyone struggles with these choices. Some of us handle it better then others. Some of us don't handle it at all, but instead keep quiet and let the world do it for us. Some of us push through, grit our teeth through the bad and embrace the good. Some of us never know if the choice we make is the right one.
How do you know? How can you be two people at once? How can you make everyone else happy and yourself at the same time? How do you know when to keep trying? How do you know when to walk away? How do you know if the decision is even yours? How do you know?
How do you know? How do you know when you've made the right decision? How do you know it's the right one for everyone? For you, for your spouse, for your children, for your other loved ones, for your friends, for the stranger in the car you passed on the road? Those big decisions and those little ones impact so much of your life and the lives around you. How do you know when they are the right one? How do you take that chance they could be the wrong ones? How do you learn to live with outcome when they are the wrong ones? How do you make a decision and know it's right for everyone?
I've made decisions in my life based on the things I've learned growing up. Some good and some bad. I've made decisions in spite of the things I learned growing up. Also some good and some bad. And I've made decisions that have gone against everything I believed because it meant following my heart.
In my youth, the decisions were quick and careless and had consequences that I muddled through as only the young can. Some changed my life, some changed me. Some even lead me down paths that have made me happy but weren't always the best ones. Then I grew up and my decisions were not so much about being right and wrong and muddling through the wrong ones. My decisions became more about the people I loved and less about me.
So there in lies another how do you know? How do you know when the right decisions are the right ones for everyone? Right for me, right for you, right for us? And what do you do when there is no right decision?
Everyone struggles with these choices. Some of us handle it better then others. Some of us don't handle it at all, but instead keep quiet and let the world do it for us. Some of us push through, grit our teeth through the bad and embrace the good. Some of us never know if the choice we make is the right one.
How do you know? How can you be two people at once? How can you make everyone else happy and yourself at the same time? How do you know when to keep trying? How do you know when to walk away? How do you know if the decision is even yours? How do you know?
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Bad blogger for good reasons
I realize I haven't blogged in well over a month and for those of you that are following I'm sorry for that. I have a very good reason though, a few in fact. The main one being this: I'm a Mommy!
I have spent the last couple of months putting most of my focus on my son in an effort to help him reach those one-year-old milestones. As has been the case with most of Angel's milestones, he tends to accomplish them during the later half of the scale. He sat up on his own later, crawled later, and now seems to want to walk later. He is almost fourteen months now and has only taken a random single step here and there. I know he will walk when he is ready, but that does not mean that Mommy can't give him help and encouragement to accomplish this goal. I've also been spending more time working on words with him. It has come to my attention that once Angel says a word he doesn't really feel the need to repeat it again... ever! In fact, the only word he does say on a regular basis is Momma. And when I say regular I mean regular. Momma, momma, momma, momma momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma. Over and over and over and over again. Some days it's amusing and some days I have the urge to find earplugs. He has said all the normal words required of his age but since saying them once or twice he refuses to say them again and finds in quite amusing when Mommy tries to get him to say them. Stubborn and I have no idea where he gets it from. :-)
Then there was that added surprise back in January. Have you ever had the feeling something was happening and yet you just know that can't be it? Word of advice, always accept the feeling is right.
For those of you that may not have heard, I'm pregnant! Yup, it's true. I'm 12 1/2 weeks and due early September. I have never in my life been more shocked or surprised by anything as I was when I found out I was expecting Sweet Pea.
With Angel, he was still a surprise but something of an expected one since we had been trying for a year and a half to conceive. So his timing was a surprise but the blessing that is Angel had been planned for a long time. Sweet Pea, on the other hand, was a total and complete shocker. Such a shock, in fact, I almost hyperventilated when I saw that second line show up meaning positive. Never for a moment, even that first shocking one, did I not want him/her, but Nick and I had recently even talked about waiting another year for a second child. To tell you the truth, the thought of two kids under the age of two was a little scary. Some fears you just have to embrace and conquer though.
So between an independent, crazy toddler and the early stages of pregnancy I've been juggling a lot, but no more the most moms.
I promise to blog more with updates on my pregnancy, Angel's accomplishments, the life of an Army wife and marriage in general, and just being me!
I have spent the last couple of months putting most of my focus on my son in an effort to help him reach those one-year-old milestones. As has been the case with most of Angel's milestones, he tends to accomplish them during the later half of the scale. He sat up on his own later, crawled later, and now seems to want to walk later. He is almost fourteen months now and has only taken a random single step here and there. I know he will walk when he is ready, but that does not mean that Mommy can't give him help and encouragement to accomplish this goal. I've also been spending more time working on words with him. It has come to my attention that once Angel says a word he doesn't really feel the need to repeat it again... ever! In fact, the only word he does say on a regular basis is Momma. And when I say regular I mean regular. Momma, momma, momma, momma momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma, momma. Over and over and over and over again. Some days it's amusing and some days I have the urge to find earplugs. He has said all the normal words required of his age but since saying them once or twice he refuses to say them again and finds in quite amusing when Mommy tries to get him to say them. Stubborn and I have no idea where he gets it from. :-)
Then there was that added surprise back in January. Have you ever had the feeling something was happening and yet you just know that can't be it? Word of advice, always accept the feeling is right.
For those of you that may not have heard, I'm pregnant! Yup, it's true. I'm 12 1/2 weeks and due early September. I have never in my life been more shocked or surprised by anything as I was when I found out I was expecting Sweet Pea.
With Angel, he was still a surprise but something of an expected one since we had been trying for a year and a half to conceive. So his timing was a surprise but the blessing that is Angel had been planned for a long time. Sweet Pea, on the other hand, was a total and complete shocker. Such a shock, in fact, I almost hyperventilated when I saw that second line show up meaning positive. Never for a moment, even that first shocking one, did I not want him/her, but Nick and I had recently even talked about waiting another year for a second child. To tell you the truth, the thought of two kids under the age of two was a little scary. Some fears you just have to embrace and conquer though.
So between an independent, crazy toddler and the early stages of pregnancy I've been juggling a lot, but no more the most moms.
I promise to blog more with updates on my pregnancy, Angel's accomplishments, the life of an Army wife and marriage in general, and just being me!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Blessings in the new year
I'm not a resolutions kind of person when it comes to the new year. My thought is resolutions are generally lies we tell ourselves so we can feel better about starting a new year. :-) I don't bother. A new year is just that, a new year. I've never considered it to be anything more than a change in the calendar.
I've changed though. Maybe it has more to do with my son's birthday then the change in the calendar but every new year is a new beginning now. It's another year I get to watch Angel grow and change and become the amazing boy I know he will be. With that thought I get to see my family grow and change as well.
I get to see myself grow and change as a mother. I get to watch my husband grow and change as a father. I even get to see my marriage grow and change as we juggle being a couple and parents.
My son is the most amazing gift in my life. Every moment of every day is my greatest blessing and I'm so thankful for every second I get to have him in my life. He brings me so much joy and love and he teaches me so much as well. Angel makes me a better person and that makes me love him even more.
My husband is the most amazing man in my life. Though we have our rough moments we push through and we love each other more and more. We support each other and we are grateful for each other. We struggle to find that balance between couples and parents and sometimes we get lost but we always find our way back to each other and the love we share.
It's a new year yet again and this one is better then the last. This year I am even more grateful for last year and for the year ahead of me. This year I know more love with my husband and my son. This year I know more joy. This year I know more hope.
This year I am grateful for all the my blessing that I start with and for all the ones ahead of me.
I've changed though. Maybe it has more to do with my son's birthday then the change in the calendar but every new year is a new beginning now. It's another year I get to watch Angel grow and change and become the amazing boy I know he will be. With that thought I get to see my family grow and change as well.
I get to see myself grow and change as a mother. I get to watch my husband grow and change as a father. I even get to see my marriage grow and change as we juggle being a couple and parents.
My son is the most amazing gift in my life. Every moment of every day is my greatest blessing and I'm so thankful for every second I get to have him in my life. He brings me so much joy and love and he teaches me so much as well. Angel makes me a better person and that makes me love him even more.
My husband is the most amazing man in my life. Though we have our rough moments we push through and we love each other more and more. We support each other and we are grateful for each other. We struggle to find that balance between couples and parents and sometimes we get lost but we always find our way back to each other and the love we share.
It's a new year yet again and this one is better then the last. This year I am even more grateful for last year and for the year ahead of me. This year I know more love with my husband and my son. This year I know more joy. This year I know more hope.
This year I am grateful for all the my blessing that I start with and for all the ones ahead of me.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Happy birthday, Angel!
A year ago today, after fifteen hours of labor, I brought into this world a beautiful miracle. Angel Joaquin Corzo was born weighing 7 pounds and was 20 1/2 inches long. My son was for weeks premature and had a rough couple of first days but he was strong and beautiful and perfect. I have never in my life been more in love then that first moment I saw his crazy hair and big nose. My baby, my son, my Angel.
The last year has been an amazing journey watching him go from that tiny helpless baby to my independent, vocal, active, opinionated little boy. Good days and bad days. Long nights and fun days. Sickness and teething. Rolling over and learning to crawl. All those incredible moments when I marvel at the miracle that is him.
Today my Angel is a year old. No longer a baby, he is a toddler. He has taken his first step, spoken his first words, learn to express his emotions, and made me love him motte and more every day.
Happy birthday, Angel! Thank you for letting me watch you grow and learn in the last year. Thank you for being such an amazing blessing. Thank you for being my Peanut! I love you!
The last year has been an amazing journey watching him go from that tiny helpless baby to my independent, vocal, active, opinionated little boy. Good days and bad days. Long nights and fun days. Sickness and teething. Rolling over and learning to crawl. All those incredible moments when I marvel at the miracle that is him.
Today my Angel is a year old. No longer a baby, he is a toddler. He has taken his first step, spoken his first words, learn to express his emotions, and made me love him motte and more every day.
Happy birthday, Angel! Thank you for letting me watch you grow and learn in the last year. Thank you for being such an amazing blessing. Thank you for being my Peanut! I love you!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Turning 33
Age is just a number. I've always felt that and I've always believed that. We are as young or as old as we feel. When I was sixteen I felt thirty-five. After long days chasing Angel around I feel like a hundred and fifty. Today though, I am thirty-three.
Yes, I am a Christmas Eve baby. I came screaming into this world at 8:02 pm December 24, 1978 and I have been screaming ever since. I've grown up and grown older with the typical issues associated with a holiday birthday. The ever typical two gifts in one was always my biggest peeve as a child. My birthday has nothing to do with the holiday that comes right after it. If your birthday is July 3 I don't hand you a sparkler and say happy birthday, do I? When you're a kid though all you want is your day filled with presents and cake and friends and more presents. My family always made an effort to separate the days and I will always be grateful for that.
Then I got older. See I'm an oddball in the sense that I actually still enjoy my birthday. I don't care about the number attached to it. I like that I have had another year, that I have experienced new things, that I'm still here. So I want the presents and the cake and the friends and more presents. I still wanted my separate day too. Today is my day and I didn't want it lost in the holiday.
Last year I was pregnant and married and turning thirty-two. I was an army wife in a new place with a new life and starting a new journey. I couldn't even begin to fathom what being thirty-two was going to be like, the adventures it would bring, the joys, the sorrows, the surprises. My husband got me a pair of beautiful diamond earrings last year and I thought they were the nicest gift ever.
A week and a half later I gave birth to my son. Maybe it was a little late but without a doubt, he has been the best gift I could have ever received.
Today I turned thirty-three. My husband got up and got my son up and changed. While I fed Angel Nick made me breakfast. For lunch/dinner he got me Chinese as has been my tradition for many many many years. My boys got me a wonderful new camera because it was all I wanted this year and I love it. And to top it all off, they got me a birthday cake. Yes, a birthday cake despite being told I was too old for one years ago.
It was the best birthday I have ever had and yet as wonderful as it was I only wanted one thing. For it to be tomorrow so I could give my little boy his first Christmas.
It isn't about me anymore. I will have more birthdays. I will grow up and grow older. I will always be grateful for the day and for the joys that come with it, but for the rest of my life my day will always come second to the days I want for my son.
Maybe it's because I have gotten older. Maybe it's because I've been a mom for almost a year now. Maybe it's because of something I can't put my finger on. All I know is thirty-three is still just a number and for every year that number goes up I'll be grateful I got to spend it with my wonderful husband and my amazing son.
Happy birthday to me!
Yes, I am a Christmas Eve baby. I came screaming into this world at 8:02 pm December 24, 1978 and I have been screaming ever since. I've grown up and grown older with the typical issues associated with a holiday birthday. The ever typical two gifts in one was always my biggest peeve as a child. My birthday has nothing to do with the holiday that comes right after it. If your birthday is July 3 I don't hand you a sparkler and say happy birthday, do I? When you're a kid though all you want is your day filled with presents and cake and friends and more presents. My family always made an effort to separate the days and I will always be grateful for that.
Then I got older. See I'm an oddball in the sense that I actually still enjoy my birthday. I don't care about the number attached to it. I like that I have had another year, that I have experienced new things, that I'm still here. So I want the presents and the cake and the friends and more presents. I still wanted my separate day too. Today is my day and I didn't want it lost in the holiday.
Last year I was pregnant and married and turning thirty-two. I was an army wife in a new place with a new life and starting a new journey. I couldn't even begin to fathom what being thirty-two was going to be like, the adventures it would bring, the joys, the sorrows, the surprises. My husband got me a pair of beautiful diamond earrings last year and I thought they were the nicest gift ever.
A week and a half later I gave birth to my son. Maybe it was a little late but without a doubt, he has been the best gift I could have ever received.
Today I turned thirty-three. My husband got up and got my son up and changed. While I fed Angel Nick made me breakfast. For lunch/dinner he got me Chinese as has been my tradition for many many many years. My boys got me a wonderful new camera because it was all I wanted this year and I love it. And to top it all off, they got me a birthday cake. Yes, a birthday cake despite being told I was too old for one years ago.
It was the best birthday I have ever had and yet as wonderful as it was I only wanted one thing. For it to be tomorrow so I could give my little boy his first Christmas.
It isn't about me anymore. I will have more birthdays. I will grow up and grow older. I will always be grateful for the day and for the joys that come with it, but for the rest of my life my day will always come second to the days I want for my son.
Maybe it's because I have gotten older. Maybe it's because I've been a mom for almost a year now. Maybe it's because of something I can't put my finger on. All I know is thirty-three is still just a number and for every year that number goes up I'll be grateful I got to spend it with my wonderful husband and my amazing son.
Happy birthday to me!
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