Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Balancing act

If you're a mom you know what I mean when I say it is all a balancing act.  Actually, dads should know too.  Being a parent is all about figuring out the balance in it all.  Which battles to fight with you toddler, whether or not your one-year-old uses her fork or her fingers, going to bed with that one little car or the huge truck, getting the ponytail in or just letting her hair go wild since we are staying home.

My every day is a balance from the moment I wake up.  My first decision in the day concerns whether or not to let Angel watching Netflix on his iPad because it will make him happy and I can sleep till the sun actually rises.  My second decision is whether or not to let Bella fuss for a few minutes because if she wakes up and Angel isn't in the room with her is a stage 5 meltdown.

My most recent larger balancing act comes in the form of Angel's ABA therapy.  In three months we will be uprooting Angel's entire world to move to Hawaii.  It means changing his home, his routines, and his therapists.  All of his therapists.  I am fully aware of how hard this transition could be for him and I'm praying when it happens I'll be able to balance it with the move itself.  Right now though Angel's junior therapist, the woman he sees four times a week, Mrs. Casey is having legal troubles with our previous ABA center and has been told that she temporarily can not work.  That means Angel doesn't get his therapy.  Here's what I'm balancing with that news:

I'm trying to do as much of the same things he does with Mrs. Casey as possible but I don't have the same materials and that makes it a little difficult.  So I'm balancing my attempt at continuing therapy with my lack of tools.

I'm trying to balance my anger and sadness that my son is being deprived of a therapy he needs, a therapy he has thrived in recently because of someone's petty selfishness.  My child is doing without something that can and has really helped him and that breaks my heart to see him hurt like that and infuriates me to know someone doesn't care about this impact on him.

I'm balancing those feelings with the relief that I don't have to drive him back and forth to therapy because it is physically exhausting and it is financially draining.  I hate feeling like this because I know it's not right but I can't help that little feeling of relief lined in guilt.

Every day is a balancing act for me.  From teaching Angel to share his iPad while teaching Bella that it is Angel's iPad to making another peanut butter sandwich for Angel while making Bella something new to eat.  When you're a parents you're balancing it all and sometimes it's easy and sometimes no matter what you do you'll do it wrong.  The best part though is knowing that while I'm balancing the world on my shoulders I've got two sets of little arms wrapped around me to hold me up.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Did you miss me?

I can't believe it has been nine months since my last blog.  I could have given birth in that amount of time.  No worries though.  I'm still a mommy of two.

Angel turned two and has begun his steady incline of taking over the world with his awesomeness.  Yes, I know he is now only two and a half and I maybe a little biased but he is the coolest kid in the world after all.

Bella just celebrate her first year and has begun her steady incline of taking over the world with her gorgeousness.  Yes, I know she's barely one and I maybe a little biased but she is the prettiest baby in the world after all.

Who will be the conquer?  Well its hard to say but I'm pretty sure it'll be a tie.  They do make an awesome team when they aren't trying to annoy each other.

When you've got a kid on the autism spectrum a lot of your life gets measured in therapies and the little milestones that may be easy to the neuro typical child are huge milestones for your ASD child because you know that maybe they had to work just a little bit harder to master something.  At the same time when you're going through the first year of your baby's life you marvel at all the first she experiences and how amazed she is that she can do them for the first time.

For the last nine months my life has been measured in speech therapies, occupational and physical therapies, ABA therapies and falling more in love with how amazing and perfect my son is.  He is smart, really smart.  He has mastered his iPad and kills at Angry Birds while taking a break from watching documentaries on dinosaurs on Netflix.  He is killer at matching, doing puzzles, anything cause and effect, and he will race you till your legs are jelly, you can't breathe, and you think your heart might stop.  Then demand you run some more.  The words are still few and far between but they are there.  Just recently he has discovered the power in saying "Go!"  And when going down the slide or running through the house that word has a lot of power.  I see the struggle every day.  He wants so bad for me to understand him and him to understand me and I think we do better than most because of our bond.  But that moment I ask him to do something that takes him away from his preferred task I see the struggle.  And I am here to help him through it till we find a way for him to understand the world and the world to understand him.

At the same time my last nine months have been measured in a whole different set of firsts.  Bella has the wild personality.  She is the center of the universe and not in that typical spoiled baby kind of way, but in the way that makes you smile and think she should be the center of it all.  She will try anything and though now only pulls up and side walks she is this close to those illusive first steps.  She absolutely adores her brother.  In fact, I'm pretty sure she thinks he is a god.  He can do no wrong and when he lets her into his world everything for her is perfect.  She is loud and demanding and stubborn and never sleeps but she is also the most beautiful girl in the world.  Though we already butt heads like mothers and daughters will do I wouldn't change her for the world.

I've also had my own personal struggles, some of which I am still battling through.  I have had my good days and my bad just like anyone else.  I'm deciding now that maybe it's time for a new beginning, a new and improved me.  Stronger, braver, ready to take on the world kind of me.  I'm hoping to share more of the journey with you.  I hope that you'll tag along.