Thankful

So in my household we don't really do the whole turkey Thanksgiving thing. Growing up the fourth Thursday of November meant three things. Turkey and football and falling asleep. Well, I don't really like turkey and football and without the first two I never did the third. So it became the holiday I could live without. As an adult it came to mean it was time to put up the Christmas tree and start celebrating the season. It's not that I wasn't thankful for things in my life. I just never associate them with that one particular day.

This year is different. This year I'm thankful for so much I have to share it with the world.

I am grateful for the obvious being my husband and my kids. Nick has always loved me for exactly who I am and called me beautiful for the start. Angel and Bella are the two perfect things I have ever done in my life. I know my entire purpose in being is so I can be there mother and love them the way they love me.

I am grateful for my parents. They always find a way to help me even when they are struggling themselves. They love my kids like no other grandparents have ever loved grandkids before. There is no better Grandpa, Nannie, or Mom-mom in the world.

I'm grateful for my sister and my awesomely perfect niece. Though we don't talk as often as I'd like because of our lives I know my sister loves and supports me and when I really need her she is there. As for my niece, she's an endless smile for me because she is beautiful and smart and will always be Auntie's Monkey.

I'm grateful to the army. Though they get on my nerves and drive me crazy every chance they get I'm grateful my husband has a job every day, that we have a home for our family, and that they provide such great insurance so that my husband, myself, and our kids get everything they need to be healthy.

I'm grateful to Savannah Perinatology for the amazing care I got the 36 weeks I was pregnant with my Bella Boo. My baby girl was a handful from conception and they made sure she was healthy right up to the day she came 3 1/3 weeks early.

I'm grateful to Live Oaks Children's Therapy and Ms. Kristin for helping Angel with his speech therapy. Every week I notice him attempting some new word or sign and that makes my heart swell with happiness.

I'm grateful to Chatterbox Pediatric Therapy and Mrs. Kimber for helping Angel with his occupational therapy. Every time my little boy looks into my eyes I'm overjoyed at the progress he has made.

I"m grateful for so many little things as well. I'm grateful for the way Bella smiles when you look at her. The way she babbles and ohs and ahs endlessly as if she is telling you the greatest story and you have all day to listen. I'm grateful she sleeps through the night so that I can too. I am grateful she is a happy, healthy baby girl despite her early entrance to the world. I'm grateful for the way Angel smiles at me from across the room because we've made eye contact. I'm grateful for his love of books and how he spends hours playing with them, turning page after page. I'm grateful for all the endless hugs he gives me because I know some parents aren't that lucky. I'm grateful for his autism because it's made me realize that even if his life might be harder than most kids it will be the happiest life because he loves and is loved. What more could a child ask for?

I'm grateful for the strength and the patience and the heart that is require of being a mom and a wife. For the ability to never go without anything I actually need. For the chance to live so close to Savannah so that I may enjoy it when ever I like. For my dishwasher since I hate washing dishes. For Lieu, who may not get the attention she deserves all the time but is still the best dog in the world.

I'm grateful for my life because it is mine to do whatever I wish with and it is such an amazing life. What more could I ask for?

Perfection

Three months ago I brought into the world a beautiful baby girl who weighed 8 lbs 3 oz, was 19 1/2 inches long and had a head full of black hair just like her big brother. In the last three months I have learned a great deal about my Bella Ann. She is strong. She's been holding her head up since the day she was born. She is alert. She see everything I do. She is active. She moves constantly and never sleeps. She has an opinion. She talks all day long. She is happy. She smiles at me every time I look at her and my heart swells with how much I love her. She is my diva princess because as far as Bella is concerned the world revolves around her. Though there are moments she makes me want to pull my hair out and put her on mute she is my perfect little girl. I wouldn't trade her or change her for anything in the world. She is exactly who she is meant to be and because of that I am the mother she is meant to have. I know in years to come we will but heads. We will disagree and there will be those dreaded moments when she says she hates me. She is and always will be my perfect little girl though. She is the love of my life.

Almost two years ago I brought into the world a beautiful baby boy who weighed 7 lbs, was 20 1/2 inches long and had a head full of black hair just like his mommy. In the last two years I have learned a great deal about my Angel. He is kind. He will bring me his favorite toys to hold all the time. He is smart. He will do something until he figures it out. He is handsome. He gets complimented every time I take him somewhere. He is loveable. He will come over for a hug at any random moment and want to be held for as long as you will hold him. He is determined. It is his way or no way and that's all there is to it. He is happy. He smiles at me every time I look at him and my heart swells with how much I love him. He is my snuggle bear because as far as Angel is concerned there is no better place to be in then in my arms. Though there are moments he makes me want to pull my hair out and put him on mute he is my perfect little boy. I wouldn't trade him or change him for anything in the world. I know in years to come we will but heads. We will disagree and there will be those dreaded moments when he says he hates me. He is and always be my perfect little boy though. He is the love of my life.

My children are my world. They are everything I have ever done right in my life. Nothing and no one can tell me they are not the perfect little people I know they are. Even their flaws are perfection to me because their flaws make them who they are.

All that being said I learned soemthing today that changed how I see my son.

Today sitting in a little office with a very kind doctor while my son played with his racecar and my daughter slept in her carseat my perfect little boy was diagnosed with autism. He falls on the spectrum between low and moderate and because we caught it so early the doctor has high hopes that with therapy he will make a great deal of progress. Along with referrals for ABA, language therapy, continued speech therapy, occupatonal therapy for daily activities, and Babies Can't Wait the doctor said the best thing he had to help him is the mom who loves him so much she knew to get him help early, the mom who knew him so well she knew something was differenct about him, the mom who knew no label in the world could ever change how much she loved her little boy.

I'm that mom. You see that diagnosis did change how I see my son. I don't see him as autisc now. I don't see him as flawed. I don't see him as "special." I don't see him as having something wrong with him. What I see when I look at my perfect little boy is a perfect little boy who is stronger then his mommy, braver than his daddy, and more perfect than I could have ever imagined because he was given this mountain to climb and I know he will conquer it.

Today I don't mourn my child getting a label, being grouped with others to be called flawed, or being somehow less than any other child. Yes, I'm sad because I know this means his life will be harder than that of most kids his age, but it doesn't not make me love him any less or view him as less than the beautiful, perfect gift he is to me.

I still have a million questions. I'm still no sure what all this means for my son and our family. There are two things I do know though.

My kids are perfect and I love them completely.