Three months ago I brought into the world a beautiful baby girl who weighed 8 lbs 3 oz, was 19 1/2 inches long and had a head full of black hair just like her big brother. In the last three months I have learned a great deal about my Bella Ann. She is strong. She's been holding her head up since the day she was born. She is alert. She see everything I do. She is active. She moves constantly and never sleeps. She has an opinion. She talks all day long. She is happy. She smiles at me every time I look at her and my heart swells with how much I love her. She is my diva princess because as far as Bella is concerned the world revolves around her. Though there are moments she makes me want to pull my hair out and put her on mute she is my perfect little girl. I wouldn't trade her or change her for anything in the world. She is exactly who she is meant to be and because of that I am the mother she is meant to have. I know in years to come we will but heads. We will disagree and there will be those dreaded moments when she says she hates me. She is and always will be my perfect little girl though. She is the love of my life.
Almost two years ago I brought into the world a beautiful baby boy who weighed 7 lbs, was 20 1/2 inches long and had a head full of black hair just like his mommy. In the last two years I have learned a great deal about my Angel. He is kind. He will bring me his favorite toys to hold all the time. He is smart. He will do something until he figures it out. He is handsome. He gets complimented every time I take him somewhere. He is loveable. He will come over for a hug at any random moment and want to be held for as long as you will hold him. He is determined. It is his way or no way and that's all there is to it. He is happy. He smiles at me every time I look at him and my heart swells with how much I love him. He is my snuggle bear because as far as Angel is concerned there is no better place to be in then in my arms. Though there are moments he makes me want to pull my hair out and put him on mute he is my perfect little boy. I wouldn't trade him or change him for anything in the world. I know in years to come we will but heads. We will disagree and there will be those dreaded moments when he says he hates me. He is and always be my perfect little boy though. He is the love of my life.
My children are my world. They are everything I have ever done right in my life. Nothing and no one can tell me they are not the perfect little people I know they are. Even their flaws are perfection to me because their flaws make them who they are.
All that being said I learned soemthing today that changed how I see my son.
Today sitting in a little office with a very kind doctor while my son played with his racecar and my daughter slept in her carseat my perfect little boy was diagnosed with autism. He falls on the spectrum between low and moderate and because we caught it so early the doctor has high hopes that with therapy he will make a great deal of progress. Along with referrals for ABA, language therapy, continued speech therapy, occupatonal therapy for daily activities, and Babies Can't Wait the doctor said the best thing he had to help him is the mom who loves him so much she knew to get him help early, the mom who knew him so well she knew something was differenct about him, the mom who knew no label in the world could ever change how much she loved her little boy.
I'm that mom. You see that diagnosis did change how I see my son. I don't see him as autisc now. I don't see him as flawed. I don't see him as "special." I don't see him as having something wrong with him. What I see when I look at my perfect little boy is a perfect little boy who is stronger then his mommy, braver than his daddy, and more perfect than I could have ever imagined because he was given this mountain to climb and I know he will conquer it.
Today I don't mourn my child getting a label, being grouped with others to be called flawed, or being somehow less than any other child. Yes, I'm sad because I know this means his life will be harder than that of most kids his age, but it doesn't not make me love him any less or view him as less than the beautiful, perfect gift he is to me.
I still have a million questions. I'm still no sure what all this means for my son and our family. There are two things I do know though.
My kids are perfect and I love them completely.
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