Keeping my head up

So remember how I brushed over that reference to pain in my leg yesterday. Well today I'm going to elaborate.

There are three titanium plates and thirteen screws in my right leg from that accident four years ago. Every day of my life I feel that hardware and I have become use to it. It's a part of me. Like my hair or my fingernails or the scar running down my leg where is was broken in the first place. It's an ugly scare too. I hate it. It is the first thing I see about myself when I see pictures of me in shorts and skirts. That hideous twelve inch scar running down the front of my right leg and the two inches that it runs to the left at the bottom. That scar is part of me though and has been for four years. Just like those plates and screws.

Now I feel pain every day. I've mentioned that before, but the pain I deal with on a daily basis is always in my ankle and I have learned to deal with it and push through it. Some things will never change or go away and you learn to make the best of it.

However in the last two weeks a new pain has appeared. A burning, sharp, often times unbearable pain and not in my ankle. This pain radiates at the top of the twelve inch scar where the surgeons cut my leg and put the plates and screws. There are moments where is it so bad that I burst in to tears and can not speak and the moments are becoming more and more frequent. My biggest fear is that this pain will strike me at a moment when my son is in my arms.

So I bit the bullet and called the doctor. For those of you that know me, you know I absolutely hate going to the doctor. In fact, the only time I ever enjoyed going was when I was pregnant because it meant learning my little boy was growing and healthy. I called though and got an appointment for this morning. Well two hours before said appointment I got a call cancelling. Why? Because the doctor it was with is no longer with them. (Anyone in the military or married to the military will learn this is far too normal a circumstance.) So I have another appointment on Monday morning.

My fear is this: more surgery. I've already had two dealing with this when it all happened followed by three months of bed rest and six months total of not walking on the leg at all. I can not go through that again. Not just because I don't want to but because I have a husband to take care of and a son to raise.

I'm hoping this is nothing and that it can be dealt with quickly and easily so keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm going to need all the luck I can get come Monday morning.