I'm exhausted. I think I say that at least once a week if not once a day. It has become my motto. I have a five-month-old, a husband who likes to stay up late, two dogs that have noisy dreams and pace a lot, a house to clean, and it tends to be 90 plus degrees outside all the time now. I have every reason in the world to be exhausted.
Ten years ago this would have been nothing for me. I would have stayed up all night and gone to work and still stayed up till a decent hour the following night. I had an interesting life and I wanted to experience as much of it as possible. I had just recently broken free of my shell and I suppose I was trying to fit the twenty years I had missed in as little time as possible.
Then four years ago I was in a car accident that had a huge impact on my life. I didn't nearly die, but it is a miracle that I didn't. In fact, all I got was a shattered leg/ankle and a totalled car. It wasn't so simple though. I broke the bone in my leg just above my ankle sending fractures done into my ankle. I damaged nerves and muscles that to this day do not work like they once did. This whole ordeal caused two surgeries, three titanium plates, thirteen screws, physical therapy, a month of bed rest and six months in a wheelchair. Now I still walk with a limp and I have a scar that extends from my ankle up my leg about six inches. It isn't pretty.
Healing from something like that is exhausting and it seems that ever since then I haven't gotten enough sleep. Then you add in a few more years, a job I absolutely loathed and despised, a pregnancy followed by a beautiful baby and you see. I never did catch up on my sleep.
Even as I am typing this I have yawned numerous times. I considered laying back down when my son, Angel, took his nap but there are things to do. I have to sleep the walls when my dogs sleep then give my dogs a bath. I need to wash my sheets and Angel's. I'm sure there are other things I haven't realized yet and when I think I've got it all done I have to make dinner at right about the time Angel will decide he is hungry.
I miss the days of staying up all night and never really feeling tired. Or getting one good night's sleep and feeling like I could do it all over again for a week.
I wouldn't trade these days for anything though. I may be yawning but right after I yawn I am laughing at my son who has recently discovered his toes and how much fun they are. I could use a nap but instead I would rather have my clean house. I could rest on the couch but my dogs deserve to be as clean as I am and they need some TLC.
Yes, I miss the energy I use to have, but I am looking forward to all the days I will enjoy between my yawns because they are going to be so much more important to me then any amount of sleep.
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