Snakes, flying, spiders, the dark, the monster under the bed. People are scared of all kinds of things. Rational and irrational. When you are scared you are scared and there is nothing wrong with that. Fear makes us human. It tells us we are alive and that we are not perfect.
Right now my son is scared of loud, unexpected noises like most five-month-olds. My husband is scared of roaches but don't tell him I told you that. When my sister was little she was sure the monster under the refrigerator was going to get her. Till I was about ten I was scared of snakes.
Today I am terrified of something real. Its not tangible and you can't hear it or taste it, but it is as scary to me as the snakes twenty years ago. Want to know what it is?
This. This blog, these words, my life that you are reading about. Telling you my story, expressing my thoughts and emotions to the world is the scariest thing to me. Knowing you are out there in the world judging me and the way I write makes me cringe.
Yet I have faced that fear. I have taken a chance and opened myself up to the world. Maybe you hate what I write. Maybe it makes you angry sometimes or you think I'm lousy at it. There is a part of me that wants to cry at the thought that someone won't like what I write because this is me. This is so personal to me it's like being naked to the world. I think I'd rather be naked.
I am taking this chance though. I am exposing my greatest love about myself to you. I would like you to embrace it. I want you to enjoy it and to praise me. I want you to think I am the greatest writer ever and everything I write is amazing.
I would be happy though if you just like it and if you don't then you can just keep that to yourself.
I am terrified of every word I write being read. That is my greatest dream for myself though. I guess to achieve one I have to face the other.
Love me, but if you don't... Well I guess it's like being afraid of the dark. I can always go back to writing just for me like you can always turn the light on in the dark. Of course, you could love me and that would be my nightlight in the dark.
Still terrified of snakes. Also, I'd so not rather be naked!! I have WAY to many naked nightmares - so I guess that is somehow one of my fears too. Keep writing girl. The PR degree is going to come out in me when I say, "It doesn't matter if what people say is good or bad, at least they're talking about you!"
ReplyDeleteYou are my hero for facing your fear and writing letting people judge you. But in the end you will always be my hero for doing what A LOT! of people are scared to do..... To put yourself out there and tell the world who you are and what you think.
ReplyDelete