Do you remember when you were a kid and you wanted to be (insert career)? Then three weeks later you wanted to be something else. I remember wanting to be a ballerina and a fashion designer before I was seven. The me now laughs at both dreams because neither could be farther from reality. I have neither the grace or figure for dancing and neither the style or the care for fashion. Its just further proof how we change as we grow.
When I was a teenager I had one dream though that I have continued to hold on to into adulthood. Some people in my life know what it is and others do not. Do I tell you so that those who don't know finally know my secret? Is it really still a secret after all these years? Probably not so why not share with the world, right?
I want to write. And not just for the sheer joy of creating a story, though I do love that part. I want to be published and have people read my words, come into the worlds I've created. I want someone to read something I have written and have it touch them in a way I have been touched by all the books I have read. With this dream comes the fear of judgement though and so I have hesitated in pursuing this dream.
Not just hesitated though because though I have held on to this dream I have discovered other dreams that have halted it's progress. These dreams though I never dreamt for myself.
Twenty years ago I was twelve and wanted to get married and have kids like most girls. Unlike most girls though I didn't believe I would marry and have kids. Family issues and whatnot, for whatever reason I did not see myself as a wife and mother. Sure it broke my heart a little but when you tell yourself something at a young enough age you start to believe it before it can cause too much pain.
Ten years ago I still believe that was not my path.
Five years ago I still believe that was the way my life would work.
Four years ago I met a boy and yet still believed I was not that happy homemaker type.
Three years ago I was engaged, a year and a half ago I got married, and four months ago I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy.
Three days ago I started to write thinking maybe it was time to pursue the dream I had shelved so long ago.
So this is the dream I never dreamt and yet this is my dream come true. I can't imagine being happier. I can't imagine being anywhere else. I can't imagine being anyone else. I didn't see my life taking this path and yet every morning I wake up beside the most wonderful man and every night I lay in his crib the most beautiful boy.
So maybe if life isn't the way you thought it would be you should take a look at a different set of dreams... Then maybe write about them.
No comments:
Post a Comment