Open up and be prepared

So one of the first things you have to learn about being honest with who you are is that it opens you up to pain. When you are who everyone else wants you to be it hurts but you get so caught up playing the part the pain gets shelved in that attempt to please. When you're honest with who you are though you get a different kind of pain.

Being me, it's not the easiest job in the world. The choices I make don't always sit well with others and that causes reactions that cause me pain. Sometimes the things I do make others angry for their own reasons and not because of malice on my part. Before I would do whatever it took to fix that. Can't have anyone else angry. Can't hurt anyone else's feelings. Sure it hurt me but I wasn't important. Have to make everyone else happy and satisfied and make sure they get what they want.

Today though I'm telling you this. Be you. Be proud of you and be proud of your choices. Stand up for yourself and be strong. It's going to hurt. People are going to say things and set out to cause you pain because, well, let's face it. People are selfish sometimes. What they want, what they feel, what they think. You don't always agree with other people though and that will hurt. You may doubt yourself. You may feel a little lost. You may want to give in and just make them happy and say to hell with what you want.

Don't give in. Open yourself up to who you are and embrace that person. Be prepared though to accept the pain because it will come. There is an upside to the pain though. It will make you stronger. You will see that crack in your heart, not as a weakness, but as a strength because you have survived someone's judgement and you will see that who you are is worth it.

I have my own cracks. I've wavered in the pain and thought of giving up. I even considered it recently. Making everyone else happy is so much easier for me. I remember that girl though, that shell I use to be that just pleased the world and not herself. She was empty and sad and far from alive. I could be her again if I wanted to. I don't though. So bring on the pain. You won't break me. I won't cry over you anymore.

I'm open and prepared. Are you?