A first for everything

Do you know the saying "there is a first time for everything?" Normally you hear it when experiencing something unusual. Now ask yourself what the definition of unusual is.

There is a first time for everything and today is my first Mother's Day. This to me is unusual because I never planned to be a mother. Not that I didn't want to because I've always wanted to be a mom. I just never thought it was in the cards for me. I often doubted I would even be a good mom.

There is no judgement or condemnation in these next words. Simply fact. I have never had very good role models for mothering. It is what it is. But with this fact came the doubt that I could do something I never really seen done well by others. So I planned on not having children. I thought that was for the best and since I was also a pretty firm believer I would never marry I didn't doubt this outcome.

Today though I woke up to the smiling brown eyes of my four-month-old son, Angel. He wakes up every morning laughing and that in turn makes me smile. He has his father's mouth and my cheeks. His father's eyes and my hair. He is a perfect combination of his parents and without a doubt the most beautiful baby in the world. Maybe I am biased but I don't think so.

He is my dream come true. I am thankful for every single moment he is in my life and I wouldn't trade one of them for anything in the world. He is my miracle and not just because I never thought I would be his mom, but because I almost lost the chance to be.

I had a perfect healthy pregnancy. Not one single problem along the way. I even did well with the weight gain. I was great. Then I went into labor four weeks early. I didn't worry though. He was a strong, healthy baby and 36 weeks was far enough along that he would be just fine. Labor went well for the first half. Then is stopped. With a little help things started to move along again. Then the hard part started. Every mommy who has ever given birth the old fashioned way knows what I mean. The pushing!

Pushing is hard but it is a piece of cake compared to hearing the doctor say your precious baby has the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and they need to cut it NOW! A moment later my son was out and he was in the world. I expected the screams you hear in movies and yet all I got was silence. Then a small cry. Then another. Yet I still had not seen my miracle. And I wouldn't see him for more then a moment and a kiss before they took him away.

Without drawing out a more painful memory I will tell you that my sweet boy had complications. He was white and not just because his mom is Irish. He was a sheet and his tiny body was having trouble pumping blood and regulating itself. Within what felt like mere minutes my baby was taken to a hospital an hour away and would not be in my arms until the next day.

There were a lot of tears and a lot of fear. There was hope though. My baby was strong and he was mine. Four days later I brought my miracle baby home where he belonged. The fear was pointless. He was perfectly healthy and he is always going to be.

So is there a first for everything? Yes because this is the first time I have ever been a mom. This is the first time I have ever known so much fear, so much pain and yet so much joy and love and hope. My Angel is my everything. Being his mom is the greatest gift I could have ever imagine and yet never imagined it could be this wonderful. Every moment is special. He makes me laugh and my heart swells with pride with every new thing he does. I can't wait to wake up to his smile and I love kissing him goodnight. I love the way he laughs when I change his diaper and how serious he gets when he is playing with his toys. He is a miracle to me in so many ways and I never thought my heart could swell with so much love for someone so small.

This is my first Mother's Day and I have never been more grateful for a first in all my life.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. All our babies are real miracles.